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avatar VaultedTomatoes 21 hr.ago

Not sure if it counts enough for y'all but for years my dad has made the best charades clues I've seen. This is his latest set

* you are a giraffe with a sore throat * you put your hands in your pocket and your fingers get stuck in used gum * you're in the shower when someone flushes the toilet * you've got ants in your pants * you're trying to open a new plastic bag but can't get the sides apart * putting on a sweatshirt that just came out of the dryer * you have to sneeze but can't * you're in the back seat when you detect an SBD (silent but deadly) * Darth Vader’s light saber in on the fritz * your phone is dying and you can't find a charger * a bird poops on your windshield and you turn on your wipers but you're out of wiper fluid * expecting a package from amazon, you race to the door when the doorbell rings, but it is Jehovah Witnesses trying to save your soul * You're sitting in your synagogue/church when you get a terrible cramp in your calf * you excitedly grab a cookie, expecting chocolate chip, only to discover that it is oatmeal raisin * your ice cream cone is melting faster than you can eat it * the wind turns your umbrella inside out * trying--and failing--to get the waiter's attention to refill your water after eating food that is too spicy * you're eating scrambled eggs when you get a bite with shell in it * you're basically out of toothpaste and trying desperately to squeeze just a little more out of the tube * you're driving and complete a call over the sound system, and the volume is deafening when the music comes back on * you've got an umbrella to get to the car but it is so hard to close that you get soaked anyway * you're making coffee and someone put salt in the sugar bowl * you're with your friends and your mom keeps butt-dialing you * You're eating an ice-cream cone when you get brainfreeze * you're chewing gum, blow a big bubble, and the gum gets stuck in your eyebrows * you can't remember all the moves in the macarena * It’s your first time ice skating (or roller skating)

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funny dad jokes

funny dad jokes
1. Guy next door stopped by and said, “So I heard you and your family had an amaing time seeing the ebras at the oo.” After he left my wife asked, “Who was that?”

I said, “Just our No-Z neighbor.”

2. So, imagine a guy named Curtis.

Curtis was no ordinary man. You see, he was MAGICAL. Nearly omnipotent. One day, Curtis decides to make use of his power, and he takes a marker, and a trillion sheets of paper. On each sheet he draws an E as large as he can. Every time you did someone a favor, or just a nice thing one of these would show up in your pocket. Tip your waiter, hold the door for someone, you’d get one of these. Ooh boy, when people figured THAT out, these things had value. Everyone was doing nice shit!! So much nice shit, eventually the market became flooded with these magical sheets of paper. Soon enough, they lost their value. And still to this day, whenever you do the right thing you’ll get one of these sheets. But, it’s just another common Curtis-E.

3. My doctor told me that only exercise will get rid of my big belly.

I asked him if I should join a gym. He said, "No, that's not necessary. Here's the exercise you need: Move your head back and forth from left to right anytime someone asks you if you'd like something to eat."

4. What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime Rib!

5. I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper.

I was dicing with death. (Tim vine)

6. Four words you never want to hear after blowing Willie Nelson

“I’m not Willie Nelson”

7. What do you call a wedding between two female horses?

A mare-age.

8. I cheated on my Hispanic girlfriend and she left me stunned.

I guess next time I should wait till August, I sat her down and explained what I did, and all she kept yelling back was “why July, why July.” Guess I just have bad timing.

9. Trips

So I always get asked if I have any trips planned. My response is always "No, any trips are always unplanned. But they always result in me falling flat on my face"

10. At the playground no one would share their sand for my castle.

How inconsilicate!

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